Vera does not start vet school until next week. However, she could not pass up the opportunity to complete her first case report when a patient presented itself while she was moving books this afternoon.
Upon shifting her dog-eared copy of War and Peace, she was delighted to discover a spider of not-insignificant-proportions at the back of her bookshelf. Vera grabbed her clipboard and hastened to work.
Age: Maybe 4 weeks (mental note to self: how does one age a spider?)
Breed: Anyone’s guess, but possibly Heteropoda jugulans
Gender: Does it matter? Okay, probably female (individual was quite aggressive)
Weight: One gram (conjecture; said spider was not actually weighed)
Patient history: Early history unknown. Patient entered living room without invitation and rapidly made its way to the bookshelf for cover. Patient resisted attempts to be relocated with an empty hummus tub. Very shy; possibly suffering from anxiety. Furry legs observed – likely does not shave or wax, possibly leading to ridicule from peer group and isolation from wider community. Consider prescribing anti-depressants as a precaution.
As the case history report progressed, Vera noticed several of the spider’s vital signs were not within what one would expect to be a ‘healthy range’. Respiration – not observed. CRT (capillary refill time) – no mucous membranes to test. Pulse – Vera is a vet student, not an idiot. In summary, the patient was unresponsive. Vera sadly concluded that her first case report patient appeared to be deceased.
Vera carefully placed the spider in the garden with a dustpan. Close enough to a necropsy for arachnids, since the specimen fell apart. Future pets that Vera may treat will all be relieved to know that Vera did, at least, count eight legs.